Why Can’t I Peek In?


February 2nd, a year ago, Sharon slipped into heaven. She’s greatly missed this past year by our family, friends, and me.

I’m not sure what grief is, as whenever I think about Sharon I am filled with joy, gratitude, and thankfulness…that she married me…that she stayed with me…that she prayed for me…that I came to know Christ because she stayed and prayed…that she partnered with me in marriage and ministry for 60 years…that her life reflected and spread the love of Christ (except when she was mad at me about something, like the time I was playing the guitar at the foot of our bed when she was trying to go to sleep).

In the past year, I have never asked, “Why God?” I have never felt sorry for myself, just happy for Sharon, but missing her.

I have often wished I could peek into heaven and see what she is doing. Is she coming up with new recipes? Is she helping ready the Wedding Supper of the Lamb? Is she talking to the myriad of those who through the ages trusted Christ, many at the cost of their lives? Is she telling her story of God’s grace, forgiveness, and goodness in Christ in her life (and mine)?

Does she see what our children, grandchildren, friends (and I…or is it me) are up to? Do the glories of heaven block out any interest she has in what’s going on on earth?

What does she look like now? Is she the age she was when I met her? Younger? Older? Is she bent over because she has this heavy crown on her head? Is she standing upright because she has already laid it at the feet of Jesus? Is she in an assembly of angels and saints, listening to the inexhaustible knowledge and incredible saving plan of God through Jesus?


Just a quick peek. And then I remembered that Scripture gives us one (actually quite a few):

  • Sharon’s not alone.
  • There are lots of people around her, from all kinds of nations, people, and languages (Rev. 7:6).
  • There are angels all over the place, tens of thousands, no, millions of them (Rev. 5:11)…the Morning Star is there too (Rev. 2:28).
  • She’s comfortable (Luke 16:25).
  • But she’s busy preparing for her upcoming role in having authority over the nations upon Christ’s return (Rev. 2:26).
  • She’s happy and not crying (Rev. 7:17).
  • She’s not afraid, you can tell she has no fear of a second death (Rev. 21:4).
  • She is spotless (Dan. 12:1).
  • She is beautifully dressed in white, fine linens, bright and clear (Rev. 1:8).
  • She already has on what she will wear at the upcoming wedding supper of the Lamb (Rev. 19:7, 9).
  • There’s a splendor to her appearance; she looks imperishable and immortal (1 Cor. 15:40, 42, 53).
  • She is looking after a white horse that she’s going to ride behind a lead rider, who is called Faithful and True, and King of kings and Lord of lords, who is coming to judge with justice and and make war against all that is evil here on earth (Rev. 19:11-16).
  • She is carrying around a white stone with a name written on it known only to her (Rev. 2:17).
  • She has her first tattoo with the name of God and the name of the new Jerusalem on it (Rev. 3:12).
  • She is awestruck but not afraid as she in a place where there is a throne surrounded by 24 other thrones (Rev. 4:4), and there are flashes of lightening, rumblings, and peals of thunder (Rev. 4:5).
  • She keeps staring at the throne as it looks like it is made of sapphire, and on the throne is a figure like that of a man, from what appears to be his waist up he looks like glowing metal, as if full of fire, and from there down he looks like fire; and brilliant light surrounds him. Like the appearance of a rainbow in the clouds on a rainy day, so is the radiance around him (Ezek. 1:26-28).
  • Sharon also looks radiant. She shines like the brightness of the heavens and the stars (Dan. 12:3).
  • There are trumpets (Rev. 4:1), and harps (Rev. 5:8), and incredible voices proclaiming glory, honor, and thanksgiving to a Lamb that looks like it was slain, but is now sitting on a throne (Rev. 5:9). You can make out Sharon’s voice in the midst of it.
  • I always knew she could sing.
Sharon’s first moment in Heaven

At Christmas (our first without Sharon), our children and grandchildren together commissioned a painting as a Christmas gift for me. Two of our grandchildren and three of our great-grandchildren presented it to me with everyone watching.

I was a bit perplexed when my grandson Roman said, “Grandpa you’re probably going to cry!” With the help of an eager great-grandson, Lincoln, I tore (actually he tore) the wrapping away, and I immediately burst out crying, as I saw Jamie Well’s painting of Sharon entering heaven and jumping into the arms of Jesus.

Thank you dear family. Thank you dear Jesus. Thank you dear friends for being part of our journey, and thank your for being part of mine as I press on to “take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of Sharon and me.”

Because He lives and reigns forever,


One thought on “Why Can’t I Peek In?

  1. May that “peek” keep that burden, that tries to blur it, in full and clear view.
    Beautiful memories of the past and a
    Panoramic view of the future gives us all a big ole “peek hole” of hope for the future!

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